How To Talk To A Friend Who's Using

Adolescents are significantly more likely to listen to a peer than an adult when it comes to substance use. A 2022 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that peer-delivered interventions were more effective at reducing substance use behaviors than adult-led programs.

You do not need clinical training or a perfect script. You need to notice, care, and say something.

These changes do not prove someone is using, but they are signs to pay attention and check in.

• ▸Sudden changes in friend group or social withdrawal from people they were close to.
• ▸Drop in grades or loss of interest in activities, sports, or hobbies they used to enjoy.
• ▸Increased secrecy about their phone, whereabouts, or plans.
• ▸Bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, unusual fatigue, or unexplained weight changes.
• ▸Missing money, borrowing money frequently, or valuables going missing.
• ▸Mood swings, heightened irritability, or unexplained bursts of anxiety or paranoia.

Step 1: Choose the right moment. Find a private, calm setting where you will not be interrupted. Never bring it up when they are high, drunk, in front of others, or during a fight.

Step 2: Lead with what you have noticed. Use I statements. 'I have noticed you seem different lately' is less threatening than 'You have a drug problem.' You are sharing an observation, not delivering a verdict.

Step 3: Listen more than you talk. Your job is not to diagnose, solve, or lecture. It is to create a moment where they feel safe enough to be honest. Ask open-ended questions and sit with silence if they need time.

Step 4: Offer support, not ultimatums. 'I am here for you and I want to help' works. 'If you do not stop, I am telling your parents' shuts the conversation down.

Small changes in language can make the conversation feel safer and less judgmental.

• ▸Instead of 'You need to stop,' try 'I have noticed some changes and I am worried about you. Can we talk?'
• ▸Instead of 'You are ruining your life,' try 'I care about you and I want to understand what is going on.'
• ▸Instead of 'Everyone knows you have a problem,' try 'I am not here to judge. I just want to check in because I care.'
• ▸Instead of 'If you do not stop, I am telling someone,' try 'I want to help, not get you in trouble. But I cannot watch you hurt yourself without saying something.'

Some moments require emergency help, even if your friend gets upset with you afterward.

• ▸Unresponsive, blue lips, barely breathing: call 911 immediately and administer Narcan if available.
• ▸Expressing suicidal thoughts: contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.
• ▸You are not betraying them by getting help. You are choosing their life over their approval.